The Struggle Is Real

Good Evening Friends,

I'm back again! Admit it, I got you with the title of the blog! You had no intentions of reading this blog until you saw the title, and thought yourself.... hmmm... what is she going to tell us.

Well...

The struggle is real! I love to write, and I love to blog, but my struggle of coming up with what to talk about has been seriously stopping me from writing. I would love to write at least twice a week, but I can't come up with that much stuff to say. So I am going to ask my dedicated or not so dedicated readers for advice?

What are some topics I should cover this year? You can comment below, or you can comment on my facebook page if that is the way you are reading this.

What would you like to read about? Help end this struggle for me ...lol

Have a good evening friends!




(P.S. this is probably my shortest blog ever! I bet you are glad you picked this one to read.)

I jogged today!

Hello friends,

I figured my title would get your attention. Especially if you know me!

But I did! I jogged today for 3 minutes straight! I'm excited about it too! Some of you may be thinking seriously you are going to get excited about jogging for 3 minutes?? Why yes I am, because there has been a mental block against me running for awhile now. For at least a year I have had this goal of being able to run/jog all the way around my block. However, I am so paranoid about what I feel like and what I look like that i mentally just can't do it. I quit when it gets hard or before I even start.

Well today, I hopped on the treadmill because I wanted to give a last ditch effort my Fit Bit work week hustle challenge I was involved in and I wanted to finish this Friday with 10,000 steps. (it's 5:12 pm and I have 10,136!) Instead of setting my own comfortable pace I picked a workout that is pre-programmed, thinking (I'll walk through this) Well my short little legs couldn't keep up with the top speed so it forced me to jog! So I did because I wanted to keep up! As soon as I realized I was jogging I instantly looked at the time to see how long I had to do it for, 5 minutes! I can do this! I almost did... I made it for 3.5 minutes and then had to step off for about 1.5 minutes to let it slow down. But you know what I did it, and the next time I will make it 4 minutes!

The whole point of this is today I am feeling encouraged. Over the course of the last month or so I personally have been in a pretty dark place! Battling every day to be positive and look for the blessings in my day. There was too much going on for me to be in this place so I kept pushing through.  

But today, today I am feeling encouraged! I am feeling like the challenges aren't as big and the mountains that I need to climb are not as big. I am starting to accept the things that I can't change. I know there is a reason for some of the things I am dealing with, but I am unaware of what the reason is. That's hard!

The biggest thing I have learned in the last 6 months....

1. Women (especially) feel like they can't discuss certain things (even now as I am trying to write this, I feel the need to be vague). Not because their heart isn't screaming and pleading for them to talk about it, but because they feel there is something wrong with them, or they are less of a person because they have this issue or they feel that way.

2. I personally will go through hell and back and not tell a soul that is what is going on. I miss out on a lot of support and prayers, because I feel I am "stronger" if I don't discuss it. Of course there are a few people that sense the vibe and start praying. But I often wonder "How different would this situation be if I spoke up?" It won't happen, that's not me.

3. God has a plan for me, and I 100% don't understand it. I have been upset with God, and confused by him of some of the plans he has for me, because I don't understand. I am well aware that that means I am not supposed to understand. But I will not stop believe in him, and I will not stop praising him for all the things that he is fulfilling in my life. God has been changing my life, and my heart. I am so thankful to GOD for placing my in the perfect church for the place I am in in my life.

Well friends, thanks again for reading my thoughts. 

GOALS for 2016 

1. GET CLOSER TO GOD. 

2. Accept things I don't have any control of.

3. Don't let other determine my happiness.

4. Focus on people who want to focus on me.

5. Become healthier

6. Manage my anxiety better.

7. Craft more.
8. Write more!
9. Random Acts of Kindness

10. Enjoy all of my blessings!

What are you goals for 2016? I would love to hear from you in the comment section below.

Let GOD Have this one!

Good Evening Friends,

My dinner is in the oven and my kitchen is cleaned up so I decided that I would sit down and see if any inspiration came to mind. I hopped on Facebook and saw the above quote and thought BINGO!

As a person who has suffered many years from anxiety and depression I have been robbed of many good days, because I was so worried about the next thing on the list, the next moment, the next invite, the next, the next, the next....

I used to be so worried about everything that faced me and that was coming next that I could hardly function. Now this may surprise some of you, because I have learned to cope with the anxiety. But there were times were it was so bad it was exhausting just trying to leave me house to go to work. What if.... what if... what if....

I want to go hang out with this group, but what if there are people there I don't know, what if I say something stupid, what if.... what if... what if...

Then as I got older and was able to identify my anxiety (anticipatory anxiety) and what it was causing it, I was able to speak up to my closest friends, and they were able to "talk me into" going out. Probably never knowing how uncomfortable I was, and how tiring it was to be out. Don't get me wrong, I more often than not enjoyed myself, but it was hard. Friends and family got to the point where they would explain to me what the plans were, where we were going, who would be there, and give me as much details as they could before asking me if I would do something, because they knew that would lesson the stress.

Then about 5 years ago I gave up my anxiety (yes I still suffer from him, sometimes severely -- but not ask often) I gave it to GOD! He has almost removed all of the anxiety in my life, I personally think he has left some of it there to remind me how far I have come.

I can now "push" myself to do things that I never would have been able to do before. I can "force" myself to take the next step.

So why am I telling you all this? Well _____ reasons.
1. Anxiety of any kind is real! It is not just in someones head. It is throughout their body and they can't just get over it. Don't treat them that way, it just makes it worse, and then they feel inadequate on top of dealing with being worried and anxious.

2. If you or someone you know is suffering from anxiety or is a worrier -- pray for them. Do what ever you can to let them know it is okay. Help calm them. You might just turn into their strength buddy.

3. GOD can take it away! Ask him! -- But you have to be willing to give it to him to take away. I used to ask him to take it, but then hung onto it as a security blanket.

Don't loose anymore of your good days worrying about what is going to come next. Good stuff happens to use every day, focus on that and let the rest worry about itself.

Have a good night readers!

Time In Between

(Song: Time In Between by Francesca Battistelli -- video pulled from youtube)

Good afternoon, READERS

As I was driving home tonight I began thinking of all the things that have been going on inside my head the last few weeks/months... whatever.

Then the above song came on, and I instantly started praising GOD for all of the things he has blessed with me. It seems like every song that has been put in front of me lately is there to remind me of GOD and all that he has done for me, for us, for everyone! (I don't get how people would not want to have a relationship with GOD)

I've been attending Bible study for the past few months. I am so excited about this. Ever since I moved home I have been praying for an opportunity to come up like this. I have deeply missed my students from my old church and old friends. Lately in our studies we have been talking about the fruits of the spirit and faith. We have been talking a lot about faith.

Since the attending the study my prayers have even changed. From GOD PLEASE, to GOD THANK YOU for what you are about to do. THANK YOU for what you have already done. THANK YOU for what you have given me. I know that if we ask something in GOD's name we will receive it. It may not be packaged the way that we thought it should be, and it more than likely will not be delivered when we think it should be but he will give it to us. (this is so hard to deal with sometimes)

This has been proven to us time and time again in the Bible. If we dig deep into our Bibles, and we study his word. Read the stories and listen two what he has told others. We must have FAITH.

One thing I have struggled with over the past month is not so much having a strong faith, but truly giving something to GOD and letting him keep it. I want to keep picking it back up. The Devil likes to use this as well to bring me down. Especially when I am on the mountain top with God. Last night I had some time to silently pray to God, and I had the over powering sense to humble myself before the LORD and go to my knees in prayer. I'm not telling you this to brag about what I did. I'm telling you this because the greatest things in my life have come to me when I have humbled myself to the LORD! When I have gotten down on my knees and given whatever it is to GOD sincerely!

So let's take a moment and thank GOD for his time in between that he was able to perform miracles and give us examples of faith to follow. Thank GOD for what has done for you, and what he will be doing for you. Make sure to praise GOD in all circumstances good and bad.

Friends I am also going to ask that if you read this, you pray for me! GOD has been working in my life so much, and I am so thankful. Pray that I am able to leave the needs at his feet, and allow them to stay there! Allow GOD to take care of those needs.

Have a good evening!


PS -- I'm just a person who likes to write. I will never apologize for my thoughts, or if they are all over the place. This is my spot to ramble! I hope you enjoyed it.

*******SIDE NOTE*******

If you don't like mushy stuff.... stop reading NOW!!

So the other night I caught my husband reading my blogs. This was really funny and flattering to me all the same time. I popped off and made a comment like "you are only reading them to see if I was saying anything about you".

His response "I was kind of hurt that you weren't"

I warned you to quit reading!

So this little section is a dedication to my husband (let's see if he reads this). He is so wonderful to me! I don't have any complaints. Anyone who truly knows us, knows that we were placed in each others paths by no one other than GOD. If it wasn't for GOD we wouldn't even know each other. GOD gave us each struggles before we met so that we would truly appreciate the life partner that he gave us. My husband is my ROCK. He is the one that I know will comfort me when I need comfort but tell me to suck it up when I need to. We have an unbreakable love, and a deep understanding for each other.

I am so thankful every day that I have him. Though he won't admit it, he is glad he has me! Where you get one of us you normally get the other!

Next week I will come up with a funny story about him in my blog! We will show him not to want to be written about! LOL

Have a great weekend readers!

Sometimes You Just Need A HUG!!

*Sniff* *Sniff*

Okay, so I have started this blog twice! I've been mulling over it for a couple of days... the tears are already in my eyes. Wow! (Deep Breath)

Let me start by telling you a story. As an educator that are tons of things that happen to us throughout the school year that we just brush off and move on. However, a few weeks ago something so insignificant happened that I have not been able to shake.

I was standing in the hallway like normal waiting on my students to get to class and fulfilling my typical hall duty responsibility. When a young student runs up to me and wraps her arms around me! Saying that she missed me over the three day weekend.

Without thinking I threw my arms around her and gave her the biggest hug. (These hugs have always been reserved for my nieces, as they have always been my comfort and shield) After class was over that day I sat my desk and praised GOD! I just couldn't shake the feeling that he had once again opened my heart to receiving hugs.

You see I used to be hugger. It didn't matter who you were, or if I really knew you. If you needed a hug I would give you one. Side hugs are the best and most appropriate. But I was a comforter. Not to mention I had always gained so much from a good hug from a friend.  Then well life happened, and for a VERY VERY long time I couldn't stand to be hugged.  The thought of hugging someone would cause such great anxiety and cause me to literally want to crawl out of my skin.  If I knew I was going to be in a situation where people wanted to hug I would almost be pushed to the point of a panic attack. YUCK!

But then this young child needed a hug, and GOD wrapped my arms around them. It had to of been what they needed, but it was more what I needed!

I had to laugh the following Sunday at my new church, because there was a guy who came to shake my hand and still a little leery of hugs I stuck my hand out, he grabbed it and told me that hand shaking wasn't good enough for him. As he wrapped his arms around me in a big hug, I couldn't help but chuckle because my skin didn't crawl, I didn't panic, and I DID feel welcomed into the family of the church!

AMEN!

So I live you with this! Sometimes people just need a hug! Even if they don't realize it!

I hope you enjoyed my special treat, by Laura Story -- I love this song, and there are so many things about it that I feel are true.  If you got through that song without tears you are so much stronger than me. My eyes leak a lot. ESPECIALLY with this song!

Just Be Me

Good Afternoon Readers,

Over the course of the last few months I have been struggling with a great many things. It's funny because looking back at the battles, I feel maybe it was all intended to possibly kick start my writing again.

I have found a church after 6 years. I love the fellowship and fun that I have with the people. I am in awe of the relationships that are growing, and the support I have been given from perfect strangers. I've also found myself in a Bible Study again! For that I am so thankful. But with strengthening your relationship with God, comes more attacks from the devil. He doesn't appreciate it when you are getting closer to God. We all know this!

The best part about all the strengthening that has been going on in my spirit is that my family is strengthening as well. I can see the love of Christ spreading in my family, as they too face challenges. I can see the outlook and perspective of situations changing! All because we serve and awesome GOD!

For the last few months I have been struggling with trying to be what I feel other's want me to be. This has always been a challenge for. I want to be accepted, I want to fit in. However, what this does is it makes me loose self-confidence, it creates inner turmoil, and increases anxiety. So what part of this is good? 

Over the last few weeks, I have been talking with GOD and gaining the confidence that I need to just continue to be the person that GOD created me to be. This means that I may not be as outgoing, or as vocal as others think I should be. I may not be able to do crazy things, or act silly around others. But that doesn't mean that I am not just as great as the silly person next to me. It does not mean that I don't love what I do just as much as the person over there. It just means that I have a different way of showing it. 

God did not want us all to be the same! Nor do we want to see everyone the exact same. So why is there always so much pressure to conform?

So for now! I'm just going to focus on my awesome God, and just be me. Honestly I think that me is pretty good! 

God Bless!

Addicted to Facebook

Hi I'm Laura...
.... and I was addicted to Facebook!

I am proud to announce that I am almost 5 days Facebook free. I was so addicted to Facebook that even after I deleted the app off my phone it still took me about two days before I didn't mindlessly go there and try to check it. Now that I have been off Facebook for a few days I don't really even think about it until I get one of those stupid notification emails saying someone did something.

There were a number of reasons that I have decided to take a break. It was such a hard decision to make because I love "keep tabs" on people that I don't talk to very often. But I have found that are we really keep tabs on people? It is a FAKE sense of friend ship. In the 5 days that I have been off Facebook I have had two lengthy (I"m not a phone call person) phone conversations with two close friends of mine. One of which we seem to be going at least a year in between conversations.  (I don't pick up the phone and call people!) It was great! I LOVED IT!

I am beginning to realize that we need more phone calls, we need more actual contact. Facebook seems to be making us think we are keep in touch with people, because we can see their post about what they had for dinner. Do you know the trials they are facing? Is there something awesome going on in their life? If they don't post it you don't know.

So I am going to continue on my journey and let Facebook rest for awhile.  I promised my FB friends that I would be back sometime. I am just not sure when that sometime will be. Right now I am enjoying the phone calls, and the text messages of people I haven't really spent much time on lately.

What about you? Are you addicted to Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter?

Random Thoughts

Good evening Readers:

I am so glad to finally be back with you. The holidays are past us and we are moving into another semester of school. It is going to be an interesting one. Most of the curriculum has been created for the course, but there are still things that need to be changed and things that will work differently because the kids are different.

Today's title is pretty much exactly what this post is going to be about. There have been so many things going through my head that I figured now would be a good time to address them (or at least talk about them.)

This week marks the one year anniversary of my Grandfather's death. I miss him so much! It is funny to me how even still a year later I will go to visit my Grandparents and then I am struck with the reality that he isn't going to come in form a golf game. Or his absence at Christmas. These are all things I have had to deal with. In talking with my mom the other day I commented on the fact that it funny how much I have struggled with this, because I have dealt with death before. I've dealt with a situation that was much worse. But I miss him! (I'm not saying that I don't miss the other people in my life that have passed away.) I have also come to realize that I am SO thankful to GOD for him providing me the opportunity to move closer to home. I was given four years to get to hang out with my Grandfather and become closer to him. He was always a quiet man, but had a great effect on my heart.  I loved him!

The other thing on my mind completely off topic I said it was RANDOM today! We are taught our whole lives to not talk to strangers. To be leery of people we don't know. I completely agree with the reasoning of teaching young children not to talk to strangers. But has anyone else ever found it odd that as we grow up and we become more independent speaking to strangers is something we do every day. I have found that some of the "strangers" I have crossed pass with have touched my life or made my day in extraordinary ways. Maybe is the smile from the lady at the post office that brightens my day. Maybe it is the laugh that I get from older woman at the grocery store, when our carts almost collide. Or the little child who sits patiently waiting for his mother to feed him, he is such a little trooper. When we all know he could be screaming. Or the man at the grocery that sees you looking at apples and recommends his favorite kind and insists that you get them because you are "guaranteed to love them" so you go get the ones he recommends (I haven't tried them yet, they are still on my table;))

I feel like the whole reason this is so interesting to me is because I am be nature (I think I get it form my dad) a very shy person. I will not start a conversation with you, even if I have seen you a number of times.  I don't like being around a bunch of people I don't know. But I love smiling at a person and seeing them smile back. I love when they make a comment or strike a conversation with me.  Normally, those are the moments that stick with me and define me week. What about you? Have you ever noticed? Or are you going through life to fast to notice those around you.

For 2015 I have set a few goals for myself. Ready:
1. Loose some weight (don't we always make this goal)
2. Stress only about the things I CAN control (GOD please take care of the rest)
4. Craft MORE
5. Read 30 books this year
6. Be a better wife
7. Be a better teacher
8. Be a better daughter
9. Be a better sister
10. Be a better friend

Don't get me wrong I don't think I am particularly bad at any of the last 5 things. I just believe that we can always be better. There is always room to improve in our lives.

What are your new years resolutions! It's only the first full week of January don't give up on them yet.

1. I only had one helping at dinner, and I have left items on my plate when I go out to eat. They make great lunches. (baby steps). I've also been working out a bit and hope to improve this as the time goes on.

2. I'm working on this. Praying that GOD will make some decisions in my life and guide me to be able to not stress over the things that only he can make happen even though it is so hard.

4. I've already finished 1 book and and almost finished with another.

See I'm cruising through 2015 so far.

Have a great night!

There is so much going on! I LOVE IT!

Good Morning Readers --

Okay to start off I am 5 days away from vacation! I can't wait for Christmas vacation! In my last post I stated that I had the Christmas spirit bug. Well I still do! It's amazing! I'm in such a good place, and I am praising God for it! He is so wonderful to us, sometimes we just need to step back and realize what he is doing in our lives.

Since Jesus is the reason for our wonderful lives, I have to start with my blessings!

1. I am blessed to have a wonderful home (which we purchased this summer)
2. I am blessed to have a career and to be able to earn money for my family.
3. I am blessed with an amazing husband, who always deals with the good, the bad, and the ugly!
4. I am blessed with an amazing family. 
5. I am blessed with the ability to see, hear, smell, and think for myself.
6. I am blessed to be able to cook!
7. I am blessed for my awesome friends (even if we don't see them often enough)
8. I am blessed with a STRONG faith!

I could keep going and going, but I won't! I know that God is the reason for all these blessings!

Over the weekend I took some time out for cooking therapy. (If you don't like to cook, I don't recommend it). Cooking therapy for me is time in my kitchen with an audiobook or music playing, and just cooking. It can be baking or preparing a meal. (This is not the same as cooking for a large group of people you are trying to impress) Maybe it is experimenting with some new recipes. This weekend I decided to make Christmas treats! I was so impressed that they all turned out so amazing. So with actual picture from my kitchen, I am sharing my treats with you today.

Peanut Butter Fudge Cups -- by Inspireddreamer.com

These were so good, with the nice fudgie centers. I will say that there is not a complete recipe here so you have to wing it a little bit. 

I filled my mini muffin container with little balls that didn't fill the hole, and then cooked them until they looked like they were browning (8-10 minutes -- keep an eye on them). Once I had them cooling I made the filling in a  pan on low. Poured into a ziploc bag and then cut the corner off. BE CAREFUL the filling can be hot!

Next was MONSTER COOKIES -- by Raininghotcoupons.com

Follow the directions exactly and they work awesome! Including the cooling time, and baking time. These are so perfect and delicious. I think this might be my new favorite cookie.

Let's move on past the cookies. 

Next we have Peanut Butter Fudge -- by communitytable.com

For some reason I had in my head that fudge was hard to make. This was so easy! I want to try it again with crunchy peanut butter to make there be a little more texture.

My final experiment or cooking project was Peppermint Bark -- by sallysbakingaddiction.com.

This was so good, but doesn't make very much. Mine made about a 9x9 pan! Which is enough to sample and enough to give some away! It probably works best to try to cut it or break it after it has had a chance to warm up just a little bit.

I hope you enjoy the tasty treats, and I would love to hear what you think of them when you try them.

Past Thanksgiving On to Christmas

Well we made it through Thanksgiving, and got to spend some great time with family. It was so nice to be able to see everyone, and get a little chatting taken care of. I always find family gatherings interesting.

Andy and I have been absolutely enjoying decorating our new home for Christmas. We decided that we would do a little bit here and a little bit there. We don't want to get sick of Christmas or loose our spirit before the holiday actually gets here. Since our house is bigger, we have decided to set up 3 trees. I love it! We have a themed "pretty tree" decorated in red and gold, and then we have our "memory tree" with all the personal ornaments from over the years. We have ornaments dating all the way back to 1982! Please don't do the math! :) Our final tree is not decorated yet, but will just have bulbs on it. It is only 4ft high and sits in our beautiful bay window. I can't wait until our house is all decorated. I have absolutely loved decorating our mantel and setting up the nativity scene.

I think the coolest part about Christmas this year is we will be hosting our very first FAMILY CHRISTMAS at our house! How exciting. Part of me hopes that it becomes a tradition to come to our house, but my tune may change when I am preparing the Christmas meal. It's a cool feeling to think that people are actually going to see our Christmas decorations! (This is normally rare, because we are always at other's homes)

I will leave you with my latest project of making Christmas cards. They are starting to take over my craft room. Now the question will be will anyone see the cards in their mailbox. I often make them and hardly ever remember to send them out.

Well that's all I have for now. Couple recipe recommendations to leave you with.

This first one was my dish for Thanksgiving, it was even requested that I bring it back for Christmas.
Cajun Corn Casserole - by Unexpected Elegance.com
 ( I leave the seeds of one of my jalapenos in, and I add an extra one.

Another recipe that I have a tried this past week was Cheesy Chicken Spaghetti from Plainchicken.com
(Next time I make this I will try to figure out a way to spice it up a little bit. It would make a nice meal for 4 people)

Give them a try you will love them!